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Friend-Zoning the Good Guy vs Bad Guy
Several behavior patterns get lumped together as the “nice guy”. And often the guy who is being nice and the woman who is friend-zoning him have a completely different story about what is happening and why.
However the root cause underlying the nice-guy, friend-zone phenomenon is lack of authenticity.
Women (and men also) are attracted to someone who is confident, has their own point of view, is kind to them, isn’t afraid of them, and in some sense is “at their level” (meets them, challenges them, surprises them). These are all aspects of authenticity and personal power.
The guy who “tries to do everything right” in order to “get the girl” is a guy who has no sense of himself. The woman has no idea who this guy is, so there is no possibility of emotional connection. And without emotional connection, there can be no desire or attraction.
Also, by putting the woman on a pedestal, the guy is lowering himself. Who wants to “date down”? He signals that he sees himself as unworthy, and she agrees.
Women often advise their male friends to “be themselves.” Ironically, this is bad advice. But what they mean is be your own person. Don’t be a puppy dog trying to hitch a ride on her life, because from her perspective, there’s no “there” there.
Does the phrase “Man Up” Trigger a Reaction?
You shouldn’t react. Because it’s meaningless. This depends on who the party is.
“Man up” – a phrase said to people (usually males) behaving like babies. “Stop being a baby” is not offensive to babies, so this phrase should not be offensive to you.
Or are babies less sensitive than you?
“Grow a set” – This is also another phrase designed to emasculate the individual who is once again, behaving like a baby. If this is being said to them, they are not in the right for being offended by a phrase. Rather the person speaking said phrase should be offended by the recipient of the phrase’s weakness.
“Stop being a pussy” – Another phrase that likens an individual to a helpless kitten. Helpless, weak, and lacking strength – the recipient of this phrase needs to dig a bit deeper and stop acting so weak.
There are countless phrases like these. All of them have the same meaning and none of them are offensive. Behavior that warrents hearing the phrase is the offensive part. People get their underwear in a twist when they hear these phrases but I really have to wonder what ever happened to “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
People need to recognize that if this babyish behavior is allowed to continue, we’ll have generation after generation of pansies.
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Sex Conversations Are Uncomfortable
Perhaps because sex isn’t a casual, conversational topic for you. Our feelings about sex are very personal, intimate and private. We often only want to talk about sex with people that we find sexually attractive – or people that we are actually having a romantic/physical relationship with. Talking about sex makes us think about sex. We don’t want to think about sex in relation to someone we find unattractive. That would make most people feel uncomfortable.
Although your friend may be someone who likes to talk about sex with all his friends, male or female, it is also possible he is doing so with you because he is attracted to you. This could also be making you feel uncomfortable – especially if you don’t reciprocate his feelings.
It’s normal and healthy to be very choosy who we talk about sex with – just as it is normal to be choosy about who we actually have sex with.